You’re tired, y’know? So so tired. All you want to do when you get home is switch off, and go into your own hermit shell. You want to eat your dinner in peace, and sit in front of the computer watching mindless video clips that get you up in stitches.
But no. Life doesn’t give you that. When you quietly sit at the dinner table gobbling your food up to prevent questions, you’ll be asked about your day and “okay” doesn’t quite cut it. You can’t scream “I had a bad day okay now shut up” because then it’d be rude and you’d get a scolding and boy, you don’t need that. Not right now.
Then at night, when your head finally hits your pillow, and all you want to do is drift off into slumber, you’re somehow kept awake. By who knows what. You can’t sleep, you toss and turn, your thoughts drift. And you end up thinking about everything you’ve tried so hard to avoid.
i’m still sick ==’ fucking sore throat, coughing like a bitch, no energy cos i’ve been staying at cousins which means not sleeping and plus, i haven’t been eating cos i feel really sick. now today, i got my braces tightened and now i’m wearing four elastic bands 24/7. it fucking hurts like a motherfucking bitch, i just wanna pull m braces off :@
Even though I said I’d love you for a long time, even though I said I’d love you more than I’ll ever love anyone, I guess I spoke far too soon. You gave me a good, but hard two months, things from the beginning compared to now have changed so much. I hate it, I hate knowing what we once were compared to what we are now. I hate comparing the differences, noticing the changes. Most of all, I hate wanting the old you back. I couldn’t let go, and I couldn’t believe you would break all your promises. From the very start, you were was different, you were was something special, something you don’t come across everyday, or so I thought.
What was I? Some rebound girl? If only I knew from the start, if only you told me everything earlier, things wouldn’t be like this. How could you possibly lead someone on without liking them? Even if I was some stupid rebound girl, you didn’t have to go that far, because in the end, you hurt me a lot more than what probably had intended. What hurts the most is, knowing you have NO IDEA AT ALL what goes through my mind everyday. You don’t know how much the little things you do, the little things you say, the way you act towards others, you don’t know how much they hurt me. I spent so long putting together an essay compiled of my feelings, so you would know everything, how much I loved you. In return, you too gave me an essay filled with your feelings, you told me everything. Don’t tell me you felt something special between us if you really didn’t, you didn’t need to lie to make me feel better. I thought we made it clear with each other, that lies hurt more than the truth. Yet you ended up breaking that thought too many times.
You are blind, you’re an idiot, and I don’t believe you can’t see any of this. I’m absolutely through with loving you, even though I told you I’d love you forever. If there ever comes a day when you realise and truly appreciate my feelings, it’ll be a day too late.
Have you ever been angry or sad, to the point where you just break down at home, in your room? Your parents don't know because you keep the tears to yourself, and you cry silently. Your friends don't know because you talk as if you're fine and dandy behind the computer screen. Well you're not fine and dandy, and you know it. No one really knows how you feel, and they have their own lives to deal with, so you don't bother telling them, you bottle it up, and store it with the other problems or troubles.
It's amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person, who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.
i'm not at school once again, fml imma fail year 9.
do you know why? i’ll tell you why..
it’s because i don’t want to see you anymore, i don’t want to see you all happy with others because that’s what we use to have. i don’t want to go to school because i found out you lied to me, about the thing you knew that meant the most to me. i can’t believe you *sigh you didn’t even tell me yourself..no, i just had to find out from someone else and at that very moment, you had just cut me deeper. and now..everytime i see you all i can see is someone who’s lied to me, someone who didn’t tell me the truth. someone’s who’s shown their inner self. i hate school now because everyday i see you. people tell me to just talk to you but i can’t, how am i suppose to. everything i say and do isn’t enough for you, and now i can’t do anything. i hope you realize what you’ve done, and i hope you have a great life without me since that’s all you really want. bye, i’m done trying to talk to you.
You gotta understand sometimes, being single does hurt when you're alone. It hurts when you see those other couples walking around flaunting what you used to have. Then again, being single is just giving your heart time to recover and understand that the next one will better than the last one.