*THE SAD LIFE OF CINDY HUA

kk

rachel adores matt yin

Everything is completely and utterly irrelevant to me.

Every day, I just want to sleep but I can’t. I stay up all night because I’m stressing and I can’t sleep. I can’t just switch off this feeling like an on and off switch and it’s driving me insane. I’ve even fought with myself and even cried to myself. What more can I do, how can I endure?

I’ve finally completed my last SAC for the term. I feel as though an enormous pressure has been lifted off from me, something that was once holding me down. (I had 5 sacs this week and I literally just cried all week and was constantly in a bad mood) I have been stressing so much that it is unbearable and sometimes I just want to throw away everything and just give up. I shouldn’t be the one to complain, but yr 12 is completely running me to the ground. 

I am seriously relieved as I will able to at least have a bit of stress taken off of me but knowing that I’ve only got a little over a term left until I graduate, it really does put me back into a slump. I’m afraid and scared for what is to come and if I am able to achieve and do my best. What if I just can’t do it..

Holidays are coming up and I’m pretty sure that I am working like every day of the holidays. I’m going to write in the N/A book tomorrow that I can’t work on some of the days. It’s too tiring, my mind is a fuzz and I’m contemplating on whether I should even be alive. I haven’t even slept properly in days, weeks, even months.

All I have to do is hold on a little longer.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

It’s crazy how much drama is arising at school just because of that one night.

dysphoria-x:

itsasecretbitches:

shehlovee:

Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a C. You give 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. You’re there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. It seems like you’re giving everyone everything and they’re just walking away with it.

this times a fucking thousand 

This this this. Ugh.

It was surprising because only the period before in class was I talking to a friend about friendships and my failed ones, which included ours. 

I saw someone I didn’t expect I would see (yesterday), a part of me twisted and turned. It made me feel like I was in a panic and my friends could read me like a book. They were all telling me to act cool and to breathe and sit down and think about other things, but I was legit about to die. I hadn’t seen her in 2 years. Yes, it’s true that this person meant a lot to me. I didn’t expect to face her again, I didn’t know even whether to say hello. I knew that she knew that I saw her and she knew that I knew that she saw me. We just didn’t end up even greeting each other even though we were less than 2 metres away from each other.

When I saw her, I couldn’t help but think about the past. I know I should be over all our shit by now but they actually meant that much. I hope that maybe when I see her next, we can greet each other without any hesitance. I’m sorry, when I see her I just can’t help it. Just know that, the only time she came back onto my mind was just that day. I hadn’t thought about her prior to this incident for long time and I was okay.

I guess a part of me is actually slowly forgetting about her.